


A Piece of Heaven

by YoungSoon



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angels, Angst, Angst and Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Smut, Supernatural Elements, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7711804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoungSoon/pseuds/YoungSoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TaekWoon is stuck in a place he doesn't feel any emotion against - no love, no hate - just pure absolute shapeless grey nothing consuming him more and more as days fly past - all as dull as the previous. His legs are knee deep in physically and his mind is flooded mentally - a chance to escape nowhere in sight, until... Heaven itself parts and piece of it becomes a part of TaekWoon's world, changing it upside down. The piece missing from heaven but now irreplaceably filling the void in TaekWoon's heart is HongBin - a white winged angel, breaking all laws of common sense and the smothering grey of the city.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Colors

Everything was as dull, as sluggish and as plain disgusting as it could have been. The fake city lights shifting their colors from red to orange and the yellow, to return to painfully red and fade into screaming orange, dying out as sickening yellow. The colors made TaekWoon sick - the whole pallet of them. From pastel blue to navy, from faded mint green to the moss green - the color of the bottle laying next to him on the floor along with its sisters of the same color. How many where there? Three? Four? Five? Ten? He had lost count too long ago to remember.

The neck of the the emerald green bottle rested against his lips, the transparent liquid flowing over his lips, burning down his throat and leaving a sweet, almost putridly sweet taste behind. He didn’t really feel the burn nor the taste, he just remembered it, just like touches, kisses, smiles, laugh, a voice that still echoed in his head every day. And he loved every single memory his mind forced on him.

The blinding white, the warm chocolate brown, the soft russet brown, the dainty rosy pink - the colors he had engraved in his mind danced before his red shut eyes, who knew where they red because of the content of the bottles or tears. A figure he loved, he adored, he missed more than earth missed sun on a freezing winter day. He wished to dive into the warm embrace and hide, forget, erase the grey shapeless nothing around him, the nothing that was now spewing an insulting cacophony of colors. It was as if mocking his memories, his longing and heartache.

TaekWoon’s hands began to shake, the empty bottle slipping out of his fingers and rolling away on the floor, stopping against the grand window. The foul combination of red, yellow and orange played through the green glass, making a pool of revolting color mixture around TaekWoon’s bare feet. He had no strength to fight it back.

He pulled his knees against his chest, hugging them tightly and hiding his face behind them. The loose black clothing didn’t shield him from the draft blowing through the colorless house he used to call home and he let his tears to soak into the black fabric.

“I miss you so much,” he murmured, sleep brought on by blue tiredness and green liquor winning over him. Yes, sleep was a savior, where the white, the brown, the pink all came together in a sanctuary TaekWoon missed, needed and longed for to the border of insanity. “I miss you… HongBin,” he whispered before his eyes fell shut, nothing but black embracing him.


	2. Breaking Free

The clouds brewed over the city, embracing it in a solid grey, merging with the asphalt and the walls of the apartment buildings sprouting from the soil that was probably as grey, as plain, as incredibly docile and uninterested in very existence as the man walking through the streets. He had the high collar of his black coat pulled up over, ironically, asphalt grey scarf. His hands were deep in the shallow pockets of the coat, his nose hidden in the dull scarf, his rather long black hair attacked by the wind mercilessly. He was one with the gloomy nothing wrapped in forms of objects around him.

It was mid December, the color festival of autumn long gone from the trees and even nature had given up against the colorless pain that was the city. It awaited snow to clean it, to wrap in the warm and gentle white hands, to cherish it until a new splash of color would attack the plain canvas of the city to begin the useless fight again, yet it didn’t come. Even the snow had given up whilst the cold that should have come with it had rushed forward, freezing everything together into a grey mess of shapes gradually turning into nothing. 

It might have been the route the man took every morning and every evening, but he didn’t even consider changing his patterns. Never in the past 3 years he had seen more than 5 people this route. Never had he seen the same person take it more than once. For him it was perfect - along thorough walk between his work and home, or rather the space he ought to call home but rather didn’t used the term for it.

He did not hate his rather average office job with more than a decent pay. Neither did he dislike his nice apartment in a good neighborhood. The problem was in the fact he didn’t love, no, he didn’t even truly like any of it. He felt nothing. The city had swallowed his ability to feel something more than “nothing” towards the world around him and if he would be able to feel, he would be glad he didn’t have anyone to bother with the void that was in his chest, beating and calling itself a heart. 

The raven-haired man pulled the scarf higher over his nose and puffy cheeks, his hand returning to the safety of the shallow pockets, fearing a winter breeze. He lowered his gaze on the sun bleached red pavement, his black boots coming in the view once in awhile. From point A - his house - to point B - his work - was his only route and it was a routine as common as pitch black, scolding hot coffee in the morning. Everything in his life was a grey, robotic routine and if he could, if only he could, he would be sad about it.

His footsteps were the only sound echoing around the empty streets, dim light entering the narrow streets he was maneuvering from somewhere above the roofs of apartment buildings that reminded of bee hives. Thousands, no, hundreds of thousands of work bees lived in those with only one grey purpose in life. Everything around him was still and quiet just like everything inside him and when a colossal roar came from somewhere above his body stopped moving immediately. His head shot up, looking for the source and his eyes grew wide from what they saw.

The solid wall of cloud had parted above the houses just a block away from he was standing. A light so blinding bright came from it was as if he was staring at sun itself, yet not the light nor the noise shocked him. A figure, oddly reminding of a human, flung down through the beam coming from the sky, a loud thud ringing through the air soon after. Dogs began to bark and howl somewhere in the distance, birds scattering from the trees and as suddenly as appeared, the light tunnel disappeared.

‘No, you don’t care about it, TaekWoon. Just continue walking forward,’ the man tried to convince himself, yet his body had free willingly turned towards where the sound had come from. He took a step forward and then froze again - what was he doing? He wasn’t able to feel, so why did he feel like had to go there? What was so strong that it had broken through the grey nothing and attacked TaekWoon? He took another step forward before he began to run. It was an aimless run - he didn’t even know the direction he needed to take - but it didn’t stop him for a single second.

His feet were moving on their own, his breath forming clouds in the chilly air through the scarf, his hands now not fearing the cold. It was a ridiculous attempt to break free, to ruin the routine and fight against the grey. It was an attempt to feel again and the more these thoughts settled in his mind the faster TaekWoon run until he found something, no, someone he had never even dreamed of finding.

By all means it was a human being before TaekWoon. Two bare feet with five toes each standing on the sickeningly grey pavement, two most definitely legs hidden behind a thin looking fabric of beige linen by the looks of it. A torso athletes would envy, two very human like arms and hands gripping on the wall to keep their owner from falling, yet a face out of this world. It might have been all nothingness, all shapeless blobs of things TaekWoon was stuck with, but the face he was seeing now, even though turned in profile was beyond the vocabulary TaekWoon possessed to describe it. It was a human, an indescribably gorgeous human, before him if not… the wings.

Two enormous, blinding white wings sprouted from the young man's back. It was not a cheap party accessory nor a high quality movie prop - those were real - real wings growing from a man’s back. The color was so pure, so untainted TaekWoon felt physical shock running through him. A color like that still existed and the nothingness of the city hadn’t eaten everything yet. And the carmine red that had soaked through the beyond white at the very tip of the feathers on the left wing only returned life in TaekWoon’s sleeping body, making him to realize where the rich color of red as coming from.

The young man was holding onto his middle with one arm, his other still trying to keep him up. A wound right below his ribs was spewing out blood, dripping over his hand, reaching his left wing and dripping on the dark grey beneath him. Small puddles of read formed on the pavement, slowly merging together to form bigger ones and TaekWoon stood in his place, still panting hard from the run subconsciously counting the drops until his mind woke up completely.

He rushed forward, stopping a step away from the winged man, the physical asset that had awoken him so unexpectedly intimidating him. “Do you need help?” he spoke and to his ears he heard his own voice for the first time in years. Did he really sound like this? Was it him speaking?

The winged man looked at TaekWoon, his pained expression melting away the very moment. A form of indescribable relief read in his chocolate brown eyes and he he looked as if he had found something he had been looking for ages and as desperately as the nature looked to win over the passive grey of the city.

He pushed himself off the wall and sauntered one step towards TaekWoon. The hand he had been using to keep himself from falling was now on TaekWoon’s shoulder and the doe warm brown eyes had locked with TaekWoon’s. It must have been only a second but it seemed like an hour that run past too fast until the man’s body finally gave up, his eyes fluttering shut, his body falling forward, TaekWoon barely being able to catch him.

Taekwoon barely kept his own balance, holding on to the man in his arms, and only one option run through his mind - he had to get him away from here. A safe place with no people, with no one who would see him, who would go after him, a place no one knew existed. Yes, there was a perfect place like that.

TaekWoon unwrapped the scarf from his neck singlehandedly and wrapped it around the wound in other’s side. It wasn’t much of a help, but it would stop blood from dripping on the pavement of the same color as the knitted piece of clothing. He contemplated on hiding the man with his coat from the menacing wind, but the wings stopped his plan and the only option was to move as fast as he could with a half conscious man in his care to the hideout no one would ever visit. 

The route took twice as long as usually. TaekWoon looked back every minute checking on the precious white wings that could bump into walls or trees. He feared that who ever hurt the man he was half pulling half carrying would follow; he was afraid the man would have lost too much blood already; he was near terrified that someone would see them. TaekWoon was feeling again and that, above everything else, scared him to death. His mind, his body, the ticking thing that was supposed to be his heart - all was in shock and he was afraid he will break down mid street. No, he couldn’t. Not yet.

TaekWoon reached the house he was heading to in time too long for his liking. Now getting in was the issue. He managed to get the winged man on his back in a piggyback-ride style, knowing that several flights of stairs were ahead of them. Run. He had to run to be safe no one saw them.

He took a deep breath and for last time for a while looked behind him. The young man's face was hidden against TaekWoon’s shoulder, his arms loosely around latter’s neck. His wings were hanging low and the blood was now already making it’s way through the black coat TaekWoon was wearing. “Just a little bit,” he murmured before heading straight into the house and up the stairs.

He jumped over steps, his heart raging in his chest and breathing labored in his throat, but all the sudden feelings, the actual ability to feel had hit him like an electric shock and kick-started him. The keys shook in his hands and he barely managed to unlock the door and stumble in. Not yet, he couldn’t break down just yet.

Without even kicking off his street dirt covered boots he walked through the living room section of the studio apartment and straight to the bed. Carefully he laid the man down, a painful groan spilling from the winged man's lips, his wings spreading slightly and his eyes opening just a little bit. His breathing was heavy and TaekWoon felt a weight on his shoulders suddenly - he had the responsibility over the winged man now.

“I will be right back,” he reassured, shrugging the the coat of his shoulders and kicking the boots of on his way to the bathroom. He grabbed a pale pastel blue towel, putting it under lukewarm water while fishing out a first aid kit from under the sink. Will bandages and ointments help was a question TaekWoon couldn’t answer, but what would happen if he would take the man to a hospital? Would they treat him and set him free or would the grey low minded bureaucracy swallow him as an animal captured for experiment that would end in his slaughter?

TaekWoon shook his head furiously and rushed back to the room, kneeling next to the bed. His scarf was now in rich color of black, filled with heavy metallic scent and weighing twice as much as before. TaekWoon gulped loudly before taking the knitted cloth off revealing the gaping wound. His stomach turned, eyes got foggy and he was on a verge of fainting, his body reaching absolute limit of shook, but a voice - deep and raspy, a bit sleepy and weak sounding, a voice he didn’t know yet recognized - kept on chanting that he couldn’t give up. Not just yet.

TaekWoon’s knowledge on treating a wound was as basic and minimal as it could be, his instinct being all that led him through cleaning, disinfecting and bandaging the raw flesh. His hands shook more than ever before, thick drops of sweat rolling over this temples, breathing heavy and heart still raging. He tumbled back when a pain filled half scream came from the man on the bed, his wings spreading suddenly and knocking over a the lamp on the nightstand and a chair a bit further. TaekWoon’s willpower was at the very last drop, thinning out as the bandage he had in his hand was wrapped around other’s torso. 

Minutes, hours - time as such - had slipped away from TaekWoon as he finally fell back into a chair between the bed and the window. His hands were clean from the winged man’s blood, his scarf and coat in the trash bin along with the towel he used. He had called in sick in half daze, his boss not even protesting as TaekWoon had lost his usual voice again, yet oddly enough felt that he sounded more like himself.

His hands shook slightly, the emotions, the feelings he had felt when he found the man and still felt now hit him again and again and he clutched his shirt above rapidly beating heart. Yes, it must have been a heart indeed for it to rampage like this. He held his one hand in place with other and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths until he stopped the shaking, only then he dared to open his eyes again and look at the man on the bed.

The bandage covering his torso was clumsy, a little bit of red still soaking through it. He seemed calm now, his wings occupying only a little bit more than the bed space. Would TaekWoon’s silly efforts be enough was a worrying topic and he did his best to disregard it, or he was sure the shaking would return and he wouldn’t be able to stop it. His own body was exhausted and it didn’t take long for sleep to win over him despite it being mid afternoon. His eyes were fixated on the man on his bed as long as he could keep them open, falling into deep slumber. He might have gone slightly crazy from all the shock, but he heard the deep, tired voice wish him a good rest and he didn’t fight it - he wished the same in return. No matter how crazy it was - it felt right.


	3. First Snow

TaekWoon shifted in his uncomfortable bed place and let out a groan. Blinding white was attacking his eyes and his body no longer agreed on staying in the chair it had been occupying. He forced his eyes open, his eyes of a habit traveling to the plain white clock on the opposite wall that shoved a little bit after 1PM in the afternoon. Out of a pure routine his hand went up to his face to first rub the sleep out of his eyes and then to run through his hair, pushing the black mane away from his face. Only then his eyes fell on the figure sitting on the bed.

The just awaken man jumped a little earning the two warm brown eyes looking at him to go wide. It was not a crazy dream TaekWoon had had as weak excuse to an attempt to get away from to the smothering city. The winged man he had found in an alleyway was sitting on his bed, the said wings as blinding as before behind his back. His doe eyes were looking straight at TaekWoon and for a reason the latter couldn’t pinpoint his mouth went dry and hands began to sweat. It must have finally dawned upon who or rather what exactly was sitting in his bed right now and his mundane routine tormented mind couldn’t believe it.

“Are you… an angel?” he finally managed to push the words pass his lips after long minutes of them just staring at each other. The question was unreal when not used in a corny pick up line his dimwit colleagues used so much the word had lost its meaning right until now. Even TaekWoon’s tired mind couldn’t have come up with a mirage like this.

“Yes,” came a short answer accompanied with a small nod. The voice coming from the full dainty rosy lips sounded near exactly like the one that had invaded TaekWoon’s mind earlier, only now it was full of life and energy. 

“What’s your name?” another question made its way out of TaekWoon’s tensed mouth. He probably should have been more scared than he was, maybe even terrified, but he was rather nervous, stressed even of not to ask the wrong thing, not to move wrongly and scare the man before him away like a fluttering butterfly that would be scared of a shadow moving. He didn’t look timid or easily frightened, but this inner feeling, yes, incredibly it was a feeling that told TaekWoon to be careful.

“HongBin,” was the reply and TaekWoon let the name to roll around his mind a little. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, it wasn’t biblically celestial or unheard of. In a way it seemed a bit too ordinary to belong to the all but ordinary man sitting on the bed - his hands resting on the edge of it, arms slightly tensed as he was leaning forward.

“You must be TaekWoon, right?” This time the question came from the angel and TaekWoon nodded wide eyed. “Don’t worry, I am not reading your mind. I don’t have the power to do so. I just saw the letters on the cabinet,” he explained immediately and pointed to the pale brown wooden furniture next to the door where everything from gloves, keys and letters to empty coffee mugs found their place. Oddly, all empty morning mugs were gone, other items neatly placed in a row.

“I took the liberty to tidy up. Must be a habit I didn’t know I have. I hope you don’t mind,” HongBin spoke again and only not TaekWoon looked around the apartment. It probably hadn’t been this neat, this pleasant to look at since he had moved in. He wasn’t a slob, not at all, but neither he had the patience or will to keep it orderly. Now all the scattered books and magazines were back in shelves, mugs were gathered from all around joined room. The lamp that had been knocked over was back in its place, the bed was neatly made and TaekWoon had to blink a few times to grasp this situation.

“No, I don’t mind,” he half whispered and his eyes turned back to the winged brunet. “How is your injury?” he asked only now noticing his clumsy bandages were gone and where the gaping hole was hours ago a small scar graced the otherwise by the looks perfectly smooth, ouh so slightly sun kissed skin. 

“It healed. Thank you for treating it,” HongBin smiled lightly, dimples appearing in his cheeks and TaekWoon finally and truly began to grasp who he was looking at. A Renaissance artwork was nothing - a mere slap of color on the canvas-, a Greek statue was just a rock when placed next to an angel. Features soft yet sharp and distinctive - a perfect balance of beautiful and handsome. If just seeing him was some sort of reward for all the grey nothing in the dull everyday routine, every day wishing for everything to end had been worth it.

“That’s a very strong ointment,” Taekwoon murmured, his eyes that were stuck on admiring HongBin’s features traveled back to the scar, by order not looking at anything else or he would be distracted for long minutes again. A low bubbly laugh made him look back at the angel’s face. There was a full blown, bright smile on other’s face and it might sound cliche, but for 3 years TaekWoon had never felt as alive as in that moment.

“I doubt it was the medicine that help. My kind heals in sleep. We don’t need it otherwise - just to speed up the regeneration process. Your care and concern was more of a help,” HongBin spoke with a smile still playing on his lips. “I must admit I thought you would be more shocked, more surprised with, well, this,” he continued and moved his wings a little. In all honestly, for a minute he had forgotten about the large white wonders that could probably occupy the whole bedroom space when spread.

“I am not complaining about it though,” HongBin added quickly, folding his wings back in the position they were in before. He was right, TaekWoon should have been shocked, maybe terrified even but he wasn’t. Maybe he was still too numb, too stuck in the shapeless mess around him to grasp the celestial being before him. What he did understand that the man before him had no reason to stay.

“I assume you will now return to… heaven?” TaekWoon asked not being sure if that was exactly from where the winged man came from. It was an assumption as old as the world, but it had always been treated as a myth, just like the very existence of HongBin’s kind.

“It’s not as simple as one could think,” HongBin begun. “If just flying up would do the trick, then our realm would have been discovered ages ago,” he spoke and TaekWoon nodded. Indeed, there must have been something more to reaching HongBin’s home. Yes, he probably could use this word properly.

“You saw me fall, right?” came a question and TaekWoon nodded again. “That stream of light was a portal from heaven to earth,” HongBin spoke looking through the window behind TaekWoon. “It opened during a fight between rebellious demons and us. Unfortunately I got wounded and fell through it, landing where you found me. For me to return someone of a higher rank either needs to come after me or I need to wait for a new portal to open,” he turned his gaze back to TaekWoon who hadn’t looked away from the angel for second. “It might be too much to ask and you have no obligations towards me, but could I wait here?”

The question was a shocker and TaekWoon couldn’t reply instantly. Did he want HongBin to leave? No, he didn’t. It was for the selfish reason that was his own tremendous despair of being stuck where he was and maybe the magical fact that he could feel again. Furthermore, he still felt responsible. Where would HongBin go? How long would it take before he would be caught by a greedy lowlife somewhere in the concrete trap that was this city?

“I don’t see a reason why you couldn’t stay,” TaekWoon spoke and again his voice sounded so oddly like himself, like a person he once was it almost scared him. It was a voice he hadn’t heard for years and it sounded strange, strained and tired but the more he used it the more alive it become.

“Thank you!” HongBin stood up and bowed, light coming from the window playing in his russet brown hair and through the ivory white feathers. “I won’t be a bother. I don’t need to sleep or eat, so you don’t need to worry,” he added before straightening his back and only then TaekWoon noticed that he was actually a tall, maybe only a little bit shorter than TaekWoon, lad. His shoulders were broad and strong as was his chest, his slim defined waist and just a slight bit wider hips. Yes, any perfectly proportioned and carved marble statue lost against him. 

TaekWoon stood up as well and reached his hand out. “Feel yourself at home, HongBin,” he said even though even he himself didn’t feel at home here. The angel’s hand took a hold of TaekWoon’s and a crashing tsunami wave of feeling smashed over TaekWoon. Warm and welcoming, soft and strong, bright and bold - it was a handshake, the simplest touch two people could share but at the same time it felt like so much more. 

“Thank you once more, TaekWoon,” HongBin didn’t let go of TaekWoon’s hand, other’s name falling from his lips so differently to how it had ever been said before and the raven-hair doubted that he even knew the correct pronunciation of his own name before. Unfortunately, HongBin finally let go of TaekWoon’s hand, giving the confused and stunned human a small smile before quite casually walking to the biggest near ceiling to floor window the apartment had. Light shone over him in unbelievable way, both his skin and feathers of his wings looking silky smooth.The light blue, partly white light from unknown source made him look like a statue, a painting of a mythical, supernatural celestial being that could not coexist with the grey dirt that was humans, yet here he was. 

“It looks even better here than it looks from up there,” he spoke looking through the window and taking a step closer to the glass. “Everything seems to come alive now,” he added and intrigued TaekWoon walked forward. The grey of the city was gone. A serene layer of white had began to cover the heavy buildings, the sad streets, the bare trees. It had began to snow. The city was attacked by millions of white soldiers that took down the grey nothing one spot at the time and naively, it seemed that at least for now the dull nothing had stepped away from the concrete forest.

TaekWoon looked at the man next to him, the light reflected by the freshly fallen snow still wrapped around him and then turned back to the city outside. Maybe, as naively, the aching nothing was pushed out from TaekWoon as well.


	4. The Reason

A solid layer of snow had wrapped around every corner of the gray city, like a naive hero trying to embrace a villain and show a different way of existing. Morning frost, the coldest visitor of January, had binded the soft white and blue snow to the black branches of bare trees, to monotone rooftops and heavy pavement. It was a coat of nothing more or less than warm light in a contradicting form of ice, letting each covered inch to start living again, preparing everything for blossoming in spring. A similar light had wrapped around TaekWoon.

He had lost all hope to ever feel whole, to be happy or content with being where he was, but now every day he awoke feeling more and more complete. The tragically and mercilessly ripped void in his being was filled bit by bit, like cracks in the pavement by the clear light of snow. His eyes no longer had the habit of looking at the time stealing clock on the wall nor at the sad looking apartment building behind the window. They didn’t search for his phone and didn’t already long to close for another cycle of sleep. They looked for the white winged figure somewhere around the studio, a wave of quiet content washing over TaekWoon when he found what he was looking for.

Either in the kitchen, the wings tightly against his back due to the small space, or in his favorite spot in front of the grand window, observing the world he had only seen directly from above - HongBin was there since that day mid December. His very presence was a part of the space around TaekWoon and even though it had been a mere month he no longer could see it missing the light radiated by the angel. It didn’t even take him that long to understand how desperately and instantly his heart had begun to depend on the celestial stranger. New Year’s night was the breaking point two weeks in the past, his dreams painting the scene so vividly, TaekWoon was as if reliving it again.

 

“Who knew all these colors were so bright. They seemed so dull from above,” HongBin spoke, his eyes locked at the fireworks lighting up the city behind the window. An explosion of green, red, purple, yellow, blue and million shades of these colors played in the sky as the new year had made its way here, but TaekWoon cared very little about what was behind the window. What was before him was far more beautiful, far more breathtaking than the lights in the sky.

The sparkles of thousand color shades danced across HongBin’s skin and in his wings. The untainted white made each accent of color to pop, to be far more alive than the festival of sound and brightness behind the window. Each feather as if swallowed the dots of the light coming from the fire flowers behind the grand window and radiated a color so clean from within TaekWoon could swear he had never seen anything so beautiful in his life and he would probably never see it again.

It was not only the color play he admired. No, it was the being next to him that had his head filled with so many thoughts, his heart filled with everything he had missed out on feeling till the very edge. It was beyond the looks from another realm, it was beyond the calming sound of his voice, the kindness of his smile, the absolutely adorable habits the celestial being possessed making him almost human like. The brunet had an effect so foreign yet pleasant TaekWoon didn’t know how to explain it as something strong and vaguely familiar was mixed with something foreign and overpowering. 

The raven hair silently wished the time that didn't show any mercy on him would give him enough to understand what it was, to have HongBin around for long enough to grasp the reason for his feelings. Why his mouth went dry when the angel smiled, why did his heart race when their eyes met, why did the same heart he thought had long been dead skipped its beat when as much a feather from other’s wing brushed against him. Yet he couldn’t know when a chance to return would be given to HongBin and in a way each morning, each evening after work was gamble of weather the winged man would still be there. 

A memory like dream of the New Year’s night slowly fade away from behind TaekWoon’s closed eyelids along with thoughts and concerns gathered in four weeks. As a rapid flashback all HongBin’s stories of the world somewhere between clouds, right above all grey and ordinary, run through his thoughts. A world so light, so white it missed color just like the grey city. A realm so monotone and bright in it’s essence HongBin refused to call it ‘home’. A place so heavy to him he had forgotten was he once a human or was he created as an angel, how old he was or where exactly did he came from. Surprisingly, it seemed just as smothering as the grey TaekWoon had been stuck in until HongBin appeared. Maybe meeting TaekWoon was a change HongBin needed too?

Thoughts kept on rushing through TaekWoon’s fibers, his already thin morning sleep not promising to become any deeper. It was weekend, he knew that, and nothing obliged him to wake up, but his mind was too restless. He slowly opened his eyes, ready to face the window and snow covered city behind it, but instead a face no less than from his dreams greeted him.

HongBin was mere inches away from him, lying near the edge of the bed, his one hand supporting his head. His body and partly his wings as well were blocking the light from the outside, explaining while TaekWoon hadn’t woken up earlier. For a second that he was so immersed in observing something he didn’t even notice TaekWoon waking. His eyes finally went wide and he jumped out of the bed, his wings twitching at the sudden movement and knocking over the lamp from the nightstand as he himself moved back and run into the chair.

“I’m sorry. I… just…” the brunet stammered placing the lamp back in it’s place. He seemed extremely flustered, rosy pink coloring his cheeks, his eyes shifting from TaekWoon to the poor lamp. This state was endearing and if not the feeling HongBin could be offended, TaekWoon would have laughed. He limited himself with a small smile. 

“It’s okay. But.. what exactly were you doing?” TaekWoon sat up and locked his eyes at the adorably blushing man. He looked better in reality than in faded dream images, that was a fact. It was snowing slowly behind the window, the light bright and clean embracing him. HongBin had his head turned away, gaze avoiding TaekWoon’s.

“I just wanted to…” he was half whispering and TaekWoon had to listen extremely carefully to hear him. HongBin bit his lower lip before taking the needed few steps and sitting down on the edge of the bed. It took a moment for him to look at TaekWoon who on the other hand hadn’t looked away from HongBin. What was suddenly rushing through his head?

“Why are you so… sad?” the angel asked out of the blue and TaekWoon was taken aback. “You look better than the day I first saw you, but you still are so deeply sad, devastated and doomed I don’t know what to do about it. And I have to, need to… I must do something about it. It’s ruining me as well,” HongBin blurred out, his voice going octaves higher, than going quiet, then low, then loud. “You smile at me sometimes, but behind that small twitch of your lips you look concerned. You don’t say a single bad word about work or friends or anyone and… I would have to be blind not to notice that there isn’t anyone around you,” the brunet continued, his voice finally calming down, near turning into a whisper. He had noticed TaekWoon’s emptying secret.

Indeed, he was alone as one could get. Colleagues he couldn’t call anything more than this work given title, neighbors he hadn’t really seen. No relatives since a long time ago and even his inner self, his inner voice - the last companion he had - was swallowed by the greedy city. Only now, after probably more time than TaekWoon gave credit to, the man sitting before him was actually in his life with a presence he could, existence he liked beyond the definition of this word.

“I never asked. I saw that there are no pictures of anyone around here, that even on Christmas you were here,” he said and reached his hand out, placing it on TaekWoon’s that was resting on top of the blanket. “You don’t have to tell me,” HongBin’s voice was calm and reassuring, his touch warm, soft yet strong and safe. He had so willingly told TaekWoon everything about where he was, even how he had fallen here on the dirt covered payment. Yet here was TaekWoon, not being able to pry his lips open and say a single word. Why he was alone, why he had not a single person to call his own. 

“You can if you want to, as I told you about the demons that scarred me, but if you are not ready… I can just be here. You have no obligations. Do it now, in a month, in two or never. I will listen then, but for now I will just be here,” HongBin scooted a little bit closer, soft smile playing on his lips, his touch warming up TaekWoon’s hands, he didn’t even know were freezing. But TaekWoon… TaekWoon sat lifelessly, his past wrapped in a thick fog he couldn’t see through at all, smothering him from the inside and not letting words to leave his lips. That must have been some sort of punishment from the demons living in the bottomless void in his chest.

In half daze TaekWoon moved closer to HongBin, his warmth guiding TaekWoon, the raven hair’s vision cloudy, the fog paralyzing him, until he could rest his forehead against HongBin’s shoulder. The hand that was holding his withdrew and a pair of arms wrapped around his frame instead, pulling him closer. His own hands were too numb to move, his eyes wide open but seeing nothing. What had he thrown in the fog filled abyss in his chest, that didn’t want to be uncovered so badly?

He tried to move his lips, to desperately push out words, to speak out why he was sad, why he was afraid, why he was alone, but nothing came out. He was as mute, as helpless as a dying fish in the sand and if not the pair of arms keeping him in an embrace, he would have frozen from the winds of past blowing from the endless pit he didn’t even know was so great. No wonder he had never recognized his heart as a real thing before, as it had to fight back the echo and the malicious nothing that came from the darkness within TaekWoon himself.

What if his dark, lonely, gluttonous self was now out to devour HongBin? He dreams of him, he wakes up with his name ringing through his thoughts, his mind found it’s way to the winged man even in the busiest hours of the day. What if it was just his void trying to grab at a victim and make him disappear just like everything else around him. TaekWoon shivered at the thought and the embrace he was in tightened immediately. 

The light from the window disappeared, white twilight now surrounding TaekWoon. A dome of white wings had wrapped around him, nothing more than HongBin’s presence existing. The darkness stepped away like a scared child, fearing the power of the celestial being that was now in full command of TaekWoon. Maybe it was more than just a coincidence that HongBin was here?

HongBin as if read TaekWoon’s thoughts, despite him claiming to not have this power, and whispered softly: “I am now sure why it’s you… because you need me.” If not his messed state, TaekWoon would have asked what did he mean, but now he just buried himself deeper in HongBin’s embrace, accepting the warmth and comfort, the sanctuary given to him and letting the abyss to slowly begin closing, the black nothing dying out for now. HongBin was here for a reason, a reason beyond TaekWoon’s understanding, just like what he felt for the winged man.

Little did TaekWoon know, that on that very morning, just counted hours before, a portal had opened above the city. It wasn’t even under a question on what HongBin had to do. He stepped away from the window, not contemplating at all and ignoring the bright beam of light few blocks away, and glanced at the man sleeping in the bed across the room. HongBin wasn’t sure why and how and why, but TaekWoon was the one he had been subconsciously searching for. He was almost 100% positive, that he might be the one TaekWoon had been painfully searching for whilst fighting the frightening human world alone.

He made his way across the room and slowly laid down next to the sleeping man. The portal closed soon after, the light coming from it disappearing and letting the room to sink into dark again. HongBin had found TaekWoon for a reason even beyond the destiny itself and he wasn’t planning on leaving him not now, not soon, not ever.


	5. Against No Rules

Saturday promised to be lost in half asleep filled daze. Even though the void in TaekWoon’s chest had begun to close, the warmth of HongBin holding him close still swarming around him, he couldn’t force himself to speak. A white mug filled with pitch black and scalding liquid was resting in his hand. His form had moved from the bed to the sofa opposite the grand window, behind which the snowstorm was in full force, threatening to grow into a blizzard in minutes. 

“How are you feeling?” HongBin spoke and TaekWoon looked up from the slowly steaming mug in his hand. The angel’s features were tinted with concern and something pleasantly heavy, something TaekWoon knew was laying on his own shoulders as well, but he feared to give it a name. The name was a crack deep in the void, making it a tad deeper, tad more bottomless and voicing it out would be equal an earthquake that would mercilessly pull HongBin down in the black nothing.

“Still… dizzy,” TaekWoon admitted and turned his gaze back to the mug in his hand. Every morning, without a mistake, there was this mug in his hand, the same liquid in it, tasting nothing more or less than home, no matter how cheesy it sounded. The beverage he had drank before, countless mugs scattered around the apartment, was muddy water in comparison to this. It might have been his imagination or the fact that someone actually made it for him, or that the someone was HongBin. 

He raised the mug to his lips, taking a satisfying sip, the light before the window blocked by a shadow now. HongBin had sat down in front of the couch indian style, his winged silueth blocking the light. His mere presence alone tugged on TaekWoon’s rusty heartstrings, echoing in the constantly self reminding nothing. His lips itched to name the weight on his shoulders, but he kept it back. It was hard for him to tear his eyes away from HongBin, his skin still feeling the radiant warmth, but at the same time not enough of it; still tingling from the feeling of other’s skin so close.

“I meant what I said. I will be here ready to listen - to anything. About past, present and future. I will be here, so don’t feel too proud or scared to share or ask whatever you could need,” HongBin smiled and TaekWoon blinked a few times half amazed half dazed. An angel indeed. No more no less. 

“Thank you,” the raven hair replied silently, taking another sip of the aromatic filled coffee. It used to be TaekWoon’s favorite scent - fresh strongly brewed burning hot coffee that invaded his senses and woke him up, kept him awake and, oddly enough, lulled him to sleep, masking the rotten stench of the grey behind the window. Now, he doubted he liked it that much. Something much softer, yet more present had invaded his nostrils from earlier and even though it was only a glimpse in his foggy mind, he couldn’t forget it. But he had to.

He was determined not to use the wonderful man before him, who was now turned slightly to observe the erratic and mad dance of the snowflakes behind the glass. He couldn’t take his kindness, his above all grey nature to cure his own nothingness, now could he? TaekWoon averted his eyes from the HongBin and looked at his mug. But could he keep himself away now, when he knew how the embrace he actually was curious about felt? The answer was a pride crushing ‘no’.

The very Monday, following an almost serene, blizzard wrapped Sunday with hot coffee and nothing more than comfortable silence tying TaekWoon even more to HongBin, TaekWoon realized he couldn’t fight back the open invitation. He was offered a sanctuary, a hideout, a place where to restore from and no matter how hard he had tried to fight back the feeling, the tingling on his skin he couldn’t. The selfish human need for self preservation won over.

That very evening he didn’t even resist his body tiredly dragging itself to the man sitting in front of the window on the floor as per always. He didn’t fight it and allowed his frame to slump down on the floor, a heavy breath leaving his lungs. Even if he wanted he couldn’t resist himself from moving just a bit closer until he could lean his head against the winged man’s broad shoulder. TaekWoon was a weak human who wanted to save himself, who wanted to feel the sparkles of happiness distantly across his skin again but these were the only urges he could give in to.

He purposely avoided more direct skin to skin contact, not wanting to know how the by the looks smooth, silky skin would feel under his fingertips, against his mere human form. He tried not breath deeply, so the scent he wished to take in deeply and break down into nuances wouldn’t invade his lungs, as the city air afterwards could actually make him sick. TaekWoon quietly dreamed, imagined and wished upon so many things - simple touches, closeness beyond just leaning his head on a sturdy shoulder that kept him from drowning in nothing. All of those things were simple, romantically cliche in most ridiculous ways, but he could never… or could he?

“TaekWoon?” HongBin’s voice rang close and the bespoken one opened his eyes. His eyes first fell on the man next to him. His expression soft, almost dream like and TaekWoon’s hand twitched in need to rise up and caress other’s cheek, let his fingers to find their way in the russet brown hair and finally feel how they would feel under his touch. He might have had this urge for long, but only now it had surfaced. Yet he didn’t dare.

Night had wrapped around the city. The lights in the distance, the street lamps - all playing eerie shadow games on the snow, Friday evening marking the end of the work week. Yes, for five days straight TaekWoon had taken advantage of his sanctuary, more and more thoughts he should throw away invading his mind. Yet now for a time period lost somewhere in the twilight of the room, TaekWoon’s eyes were locked with HongBin’s, since the moment the latter woke him up from a fantasy filled nap.

TaekWoon slowly rose from the comfortable place on HongBin’s shoulder and tried to look away from the mesmerizing chocolate brown eyes but couldn’t. He was weak and in all kinds of ways miserable and puny, dirty in a way from the mere thoughts in his head, thought that suddenly were stronger than ever before.

Instead of moving further away, TaekWoon moved closer, his eyes still locked with HongBin’s. It was as if he yet again had lost control over his body - all brakes, all chances to stop gone - and he didn’t even realize how dangerous it was until he felt his own lips gently pressing against HongBin’s. Only second later he realised what he had done and jumped back.

“I am so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I…” TaekWoon tried to find a way how to explain, how to apologize, how not to scare HongBin away with his blunt, dirty human actions. He tried to move away, to give space to the other man, but a hand grabbed his wrist, pulling him back closer. Lips pressed against his, moving gently and inviting him to do the same and despite the shock he did. Soft, slightly sweet, confident and reassuring, the kiss pulled him closer and deeper into the new depth that was HongBin.

His hands shook slightly as he rested them on HongBin’s waist, feeling the warm, smooth skin under his touch properly for the first time. Like a child who had caught a butterfly for the first time, TaekWoon didn’t dare to move, to let his hands roam over the frame that had been visually teasing him for so long with its sculpted perfection. He barely allowed himself to breathe, the sense of taste being the only one he couldn’t control.

He savored the nuance filled, sweet taste of HongBin’s lips. It was as dainty, as decadent as he had imagined and more. One would have thought that HongBin would timid, maybe a bit scared and reluctant in the lip lock, letting TaekWoon to lead, but it was absolutely not the case. He fought for dominance, eagerly requesting more, his tongue being the first to dart out and ask for a deeper kiss. The brunet’s arms wrapped around TaekWoon’s shoulders naturally after the request was granted, his body heat intoxicating TaekWoon as much as the kiss did until the latter had to pull back for air.

“Is… is this okay?” TaekWoon stammered out, soft smile greeting him as an answer. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest, and he could swear he was on a verge of a heart attack. The raven hair still feared moving his hands, his palms burning to feel more than and record the sensation in his receptor forever. Above all, even his lisp began to tingle in need to taste the skin he now had so close. But, indeed, was this okay?

“I need to finally tell you something. It’s nothing bad, don’t worry, but it might change something and I have been anticipating this change,” HongBin begun, his fingers leisurely starting to play with TaekWoon’s hair. “Angels, just like humans, fall in love. Yet we fall in love only once - from first glance, strongly, deeply and for eternity. It’s usually between fellow angels, very rarely with demons and even rarer with humans, but almost always it’s mutual. It’s like a calling of a power beyond even the Great Ruler of Heaven or Overlord of Underground. It’s like a most powerful curse feared by the dark but embraced by light,” he spoke, his eyes locked TaekWoon, who tried not get confused with the new information that was raining over him. It was obvious HongBin himself was nervous, his breathing fast, and TaekWoon finally moved, his fingers starting to draw soothing circles on HongBin’s sides, encouraging him to continue.

“What I am getting at with this is… I love you, TaekWoon. You are the one I hadn’t found in decades, no, centuries simply because never had I thought it would be a human, but… It doesn’t change a thing. Knowing how much you actually need me, how important something as simple as being next to me is to you, I naively believe that this is indeed mutual and…” he was finally stopped by TaekWoon, as he had started to speak rapidly. The raven hair had once again joined their lips, the question of whether this was right or not dying out at the back of his head, only a reasonable amount of concern remaining. TaekWoon didn’t want to be at fault in soiling an angel with his earthy needs, even though HongBin had already proved how many myths about the white winged celestial beings were wrong in their core.

“You won’t get in trouble for this? Lose your wings or something like that?” TaekWoon asked against HongBin’s lips, his hands now resting on the small of other’s back. His touches had gotten bolder, but he still restrained them. His desires were secondary now, mostly because what he had to, needed to say still itched at the back of his throat, fearing to jump out.

“Why?” HongBin asked wide-eyed, “Why do humans believe that being close with someone, sharing body heat that means no less, no more than life itself, molding together as one and exploring each inch of a soulmate's body and soul is something bad? It’s not a sin, it has never been and never will be. It’s the highest blessing. The moment of pleasure when two become one when there’s nothing more but you and me…” HongBin looked straight at TaekWoon, his eyes burning with passion so strong TaekWoon could feel the heat pouring in his being. 

“It’s the one heavenly thing everyone needs. It’s a curse for demons, who need this above everything state. It’s a misunderstood gift for humans to reach heights outside their world, outside the grey you yourself ditest so much. It won’t get me even near trouble as it’s something wanted, something needed, something crucial…” HongBin kept on speaking, his wings twitching from his own excitement, his fingers finding with the ends of TaekWoon’s hair at the back of his neck, his body subconsciously moving even closer to TaekWoon. 

“I meant the kiss,” TaekWoon managed to speak before the ranting angel continued. He had thought a bit further than TaekWoon had intended to aim the question, even though he couldn’t deny he would have asked eventually. 

The latter’s eyes went wide, cheeks flushing deep pink, his eyes shying away from TaekWoon. “Ouh…. I just....” he whispered, for the first time TaekWoon hear his voice so quiet and that was endearing to say the least. The raven hair curled his fingers under HongBin’s chin, making the winged man to look at him. 

“But as a greedy human, I want to take as much as I am given and allowed to take. Yet I want to give as much back, my love being stronger than greed,” he finally dared to run his fingers through the soft brown locks, his eyes locking with HongBin’s. “I love you,” he finally let the pleasant weight to roll of his shoulders, the crack that made his inner void endless to close. Finally, the feeling he had for weeks gained a form. “So, am I allowed to love you in most human way? Not by rules, but by you?” he asked and received a nod in return, his heart skipping a beat and breath getting stuck in his lungs for a moment. In less than a minute he had received a task to properly love the only beam of light in his world and TaekWoon for once knew he was able to do it.


	6. Heavenly

TaekWoon would have wished it would have been lighter. A sunny afternoon perhaps or a snow illuminated morning like so many they had shared before. Then again the twilight in the room, the honey like light coming from the twice knocked over lamp on the nightstand gave a strange, secure romantic sensuality to the moment and that probably, for now, was even better than both of them being exposed to light. They were so close - nearly as close as possible - to each other, they didn’t need light to see each detail. They could feel it, touch it, notice it through the amber colored dimness.

Their clothes were scattered somewhere in the room, marking the way from the window to the bed, everything from a kiss, to a touch to a bolder bite happening naturally and fluidly. It was as if it was meant to exactly like that - like, indeed, something above comprehension had matched TaekWoon and HongBin and only them being like this made sense. TaekWoon wanted to believe that.

His hands had finally gathered courage, almost boldly going over HongBin’s skin - from his shoulders, chest, sides and abdomen, all the way to his thighs. His lips didn’t fear press against the strong jawline, the gracious neck of broad shoulders - he finally let go to his dream like desires. For his surprise, as he had feared himself turning into a hungry, thirsty animal, all he his actions read nothing more but care. He was more timid, more scared than he thought he would be, fearing to scare away the fluttering beauty in his arms with his actions.

“You do know, that you don’t have to hold back, right?” Hongbin asked with a smile in his voice, his fingers threading through TaekWoon’s pitch black locks. His other hand rested on TaekWoon’s shoulder since the moment he had comfortably found his place in the human’s lap. Brazenly he didn’t shy away from their naked bodies touching, nor did he even try to keep in a single shiver dancing over his skin all the way to his wings, making them twitch. He had eagerly went all in for this and strangely enough TaekWoon indeed was the one holding back even his timid desires.

“I am just savoring the moment,” he took a deep breath of the scent that was something between a summer breeze on a sunny day, filled with warmth and distant scent of flowers, and the strong, fresh scent earth had right after rain. TaekWoon remembered theses scents from long, long time ago and the more he indulged himself in it, the more he felt at home. He looked in the warm brown orbs he liked, no, loved to get lost in. He wasn’t lying, not at all, but at the same time he wasn’t sure how far he was really allowed to go. HongBin did put his stance pretty clearly, but TaekWoon couldn’t be blamed for being cautious, now could he?

“Okay. Then you will definitely savor this,” HongBin smirked, a quite devilish expression in it’s description to appear on a face of an angel, but all borders between angelic and demonic where so thin, so mixed up right now TaekWoon couldn’t be sure. The angel had claimed it all was heavenly - closest a living being could get to something higher than angels and demons, - so drawing a line on where devilish begun was impossible anyway. TaekWoon might have as well given in.

HongBin rested both of his palms against TaekWoon’s chest and pushed him back until his back it the mattress. From this angle TaekWoon could finally really and truly wrap his head around what was actually going on and who he was with. The white wings were partly spread behind HongBin’s back, still hiding their true potential. The eyes of their owner were half lidded, yet fully awake and determination filled. His usually dainty pink lips were now ouh so lightly kiss bruised and no less but seducingly pink, parted slightly, letting the tip of his tongue to run over the bottom one. 

HongBin’s was a tone rosier than usually, every muscle in his body tensed in anticipation and excitement over being exactly here and now with TaekWoon. The latter’s eyes continued scan the torso he had silently admired, going past the line where his eyes had always been forced to stop, falling on the near fully hard length, proudly standing against the lower abdomen of the man above him. Subconsciously he licked his lips, his eyes admiring the thick thighs and finally letting his brain to dwell on the kinky thoughts harvested in his mind from the teasing visuals he had seen daily. He would have continued his silent adoration, which quite interestingly was almost enough to satisfy him, if not a silent laugh.

“Do you really enjoy looking at me this much?” HongBin asked with bright smile playing on his features. TaekWoon didn’t reply directly but rested his palm on the back of HongBin’s neck and rose from the bed just enough to seal their lips in a kiss. He was soon pushed back down, HongBin directly on top of him, his weight pleasantly there.

Their lips had found a sync of smoothly moving against each other and rhythm of light tugs and sensual moans escaping in each other’s mouths. Their tongues had made a dance pattern of their own and it felt as if they had been practicing this special, secret dance for years and not for hours. It was innocently arousing to be this intimate and instantly find a click. Maybe they were not just meant to meet, but were made for each other from the beginning of time?

TaekWoon’s thoughts suddenly came to an abrupt stop, eyes shooting open and lungs demanding air. “Did I do something wrong?” HongBin asked in response to such reaction, his fingers firmly wrapped around TaekWoon’s cock between their bodies. “It can’t be that I have misunderstood something,” he continued almost innocently, his hand beginning to move, making TaekWoon’s lips to part in soundless moan. “Or maybe this is not entirely enough?” he added, his hand varying with the rhythm and speed of his strokes over TaekWoon’s now fully erected length. His thumb almost too knowingly swept over the leaking slit, letting his hand to move even smoother and TaekWoon as unable to react.

HongBin smirked right above him before kissing TaekWoon’s in shock and rising pleasure parted lips. He gently tugged on the bottom one with his teeth before tracing kisses, licks and small love bites down his neck and chest. The winged man was much more dauntless than TaekWoon. Then again he did fight rogue demons, but didn’t TaekWoon fight his own as well? HongBin allowed his lips and free hand to explore fearlessly every part of TaekWoon’s body he could access, his occupied hand doing the same, tracing bulging veins with his fingertips. If either of them had experience, it was TaekWoon, yet here he was admittedly scared to even properly put his hands on HongBin. Did it make sense? Not at all.

The moment HongBin’s doe eyes appeared above him again, TaekWoon dared to take over. He pressed his lips against the brunet’s ones instantly, his tongue finding its way in the hot sweet cavern. The raven hair rose from the bed, pushing the winged man back with his weight until the latter was half laying on the bed, resting on his elbows. His momentary control had quite literally slipped out of his hand, yet it didn’t look like he was too sad about it. His eager response in the kiss indicated he was even more excited than before.

Once again TaekWoon gave in to the need to appreciate the visual. From the slightly spread legs, across the mouthwatering length that was no most definitely fully erect, over the teasing abs and chest, up the inviting neck to meet the parted lips and hooded eyes. He moved forward, finding his place between HongBin’s legs, letting his hand to truly, to finally be bold. TaekWoon ran them up the winged man’s thighs, over his sides and then to his back, pulling him a tad closer to kiss him for already nth time. He tried to push his weight forward to dominate above HongBin like he did minute ago over him, but strength that was unexpectedly impressive stopped him. 

“Unfortunately, we have one limitation,” HongBin said quietly, after being forced to break the kiss. His excitement had died out suddenly and he suddenly sounded insecure and fearful. For a second TaekWoon didn’t understand what was meant with that until a movement behind HongBin made it clear. The wings. Of course they were a limitation and TaekWoon had forgotten about that.

“Also… they do freak you out a little, right?” HongBin spoke again, gathering the white feather wonders against his back as much as he could. A creature stunning beyond words was...self conscious because TaekWoon was quite honestly too lame to express his admiration? 

“I find them almost as beautifully breathtaking as you,” TaekWoon cupped HongBin’s face, being quite surprised how it fit so perfectly in his hands. Indeed, HongBin was made for him and he was made for the angel. “And they don’t freak me out even the slightest bit,” he smiled reassuringly, the chocolate brown orbs looking back at him. He pressed his lips against HongBin’s yet again, not being able to get enough of the taste he definitely loved more than taste fresh brewed coffee. Just his smell, just HongBin’s taste was as addicting and so was his body warmth and it was already clear that never again TaekWoon will be able to be so close to anyone but Hongbin.

The raven hair let his hands to leisurely go over the brunet’s shoulders, before, not breaking contact with the warm skin, settle on his waist. He let go of other’s lips just so he could once again savor the shivers running through the just a little bit smaller male's body from the lip-skin contact. The shudders of excitement were back and TaekWoon wondered if taking it further, taking it the whole way would change them.

“You really want all I can give?” he asked, his lips hesitantly against HongBin’s shoulder. Softly fingers began to thread through his hair again and he looked up, meeting those gorgeous big eyes again. There was a nod and TaekWoon decided not to speak anymore - actions would take the lead from now on.

He pressed a peck on HongBin’s collarbone before moving out of his embrace for a second, stretching his for once usefully long body across the bed to the second drawer of the nightstand. He hadn’t opened it since HongBin had arrived, using its content before so rarely he doubted it’s sufficiency, but now he was glad the tube with the clear, scentless substance was where it was. TaekWoon grabbed it from the drawer and turned back to HongBin, losing the gift of speech and ability to breath from the sight that greeted him.

HongBin almost hadn’t moved at all. His legs very still lightly spread, his skin shining in the dim light, his body so obviously anticipating TaekWoon, but his hand… His hand had sneaked to his swollen length, stroking it slowly and rhythmically, his hypnotizing eyes grabbing TaekWoon in their power immediately. The tip of his tongue rested on his bottom lip for a moment, swiping over the erotically pink flesh right before a shaky moan hidden in an exhale passed them. TaekWoon cursed under his breath before finally breaking the spell he was under and moving forward.

The raven hair returned to his previous place - as close to HongBin as he was allowed for now - and let his addiction to take over and kissed the man again. In a way it was a form of distraction, his hands fiddling with the tube, shaking a little as the importance of his actions loud and clear at the back of his head. Yet he couldn’t let his ‘task anxiety’ take over the moment. He coated three of his fingers with the glossy substance, his own heart going berserk in his ribcage and if not HongBin’s hand calmly pressing against where his heart was, he might have went into cardiac arrest despite trying not to. 

“Why are you so nervous?” HongBin smiled as he pulled away from the kiss, his eyes glossy and his gaze almost demonically seductive. “Go on,” his smile turned into a smirk as he spread his legs wider, exposing himself even more for TaekWoon’s eyes. The latter swallowed loudly before uttering a quiet curse under his breath again and moving forward.

He attached his lips to HongBin’s neck, sucking and biting on the silky skin, marking it and enjoying the small, almost purr like sounds coming from HongBin. While distracting the winged man he swirled the first finger around his hole, coating it with the clear glossy liquid before slowly and carefully pushing in. There was a small gasp from HongBin and TaekWoon wanted look up but other’s hand on the back of his head kept him in place.

He swirled the finger around, stretching and lubing the tight walls. His mouth created more and more marks on the just lightly sun kissed skin whilst his free hand rubbed patterns on HongBin’s sides and lower back. TaekWoon moved his lips down the brunet’s chest while his digit found a way deeper. The raven hair stopped his trail of kisses before allowing his tongue to graze over HongBin’s nipples one after another, his mouth locking around one right after. A moan escaped from HongBin’s parted lips, his grip getting a tad stronger on TaekWoon’s hair.

The latter took the liberty to add the second digit, the different kind of shiver passing through HongBin almost making him stop. Almost. He withdrew from the winged man’s chest, continuing his kiss exploration south, his fingers working him open meanwhile. TaekWoon’s free hand finally joined in, wrapping around the base of HongBin’s length, lifting it slightly so it would be right in front of the raven hair’s face. He didn’t hesitate at all, giving the hard cock a long lick from base to top, swirling his tongue around the head before taking it in his mouth. HongBin’s reaction was priceless.

His arms shook, no longer being able to hold him up properly until one gave upending with the celestial man half propped up on one arm only. His eyes were wide open, chest rising and falling irregularly, mouth open in a soundless moan. If it would be possible, TaekWoon would have smirked. Instead he hollowed his cheeks and began moving his head, his fingers still twisting and turning inside HongBin. He found a rhythm between both of his hands and mouth before letting the third digit in.

It didn’t seem that HongBin noticed it at all, his whole body focusing on TaekWoon between his legs. His eyes were glued to the black mane of hair, the long lashes brushing against the chubby pale cheeks, pink lips wrapped around his manhood. HongBin’s other arm began to shake as well and wasn’t up to hold him steady for much longer.

TaekWoon hummed once, sending a long and low vibration through HongBin’s body before twisting the three digits inside him, earning a loud, proper moan - so distinguished and melodic in an odd way, it might have instantly became TaekWoon’s favorite sound on earth. HongBin’s body froze for a second, the sound of his voice still bouncing around the walls, and TaekWoon withdrew both his mouth and fingers, a dissatisfied whimper coming from the winged man. He got some of the substance from the tube on his hand, stroking his own painfully hard length a few times, his eyes scanning the visual.

HongBin was completely exposed to his eyes, panting hard, body shimmering in the dim golden light of the room. His form was shaking a little, his wings twitching and threatening to to burst open in their full glory any second. The brunet’s length was as hard is could be, glistening from TaekWoon’s saliva and oozing pre cum on its owners stomach, his hole contracting around nothing. This was probably the most erotic scene that has ever presented for TaekWoon’s eyes and if his hand wouldn’t have been on his own cock, he doubted he would have believed he got even harder. 

“There’s one way to deal with the limitation we have,” TaekWoon spoke, his mouth dry and watering at the same time, his eyes not agreeing to look away from HongBin’s already trashed form. This time he leaned back on his elbows and was about to explain, but didn’t get to it as HongBin had gotten on his fours and crawled towards TaekWoon. He stopped directly above the raven hair, his wings making long almost menacing shadows on the sheets. Yet again a devilish smirk graced his lips as he straddled TaekWoon’s lap more comfortably. For the second time he wrapped his fingers around the latter’s lubed shaft, lifting it up and giving it a few firm strokes before resting it against his prepared hole.

As if teasing TaekWoon, he locked his captivating eyes with the man below him, taking his full attention, and slowly let himself to sink down on the length. His lips parted in the process, eyes widening and losing their focus on TaekWoon. He automatically grabbed on TaekWoon’s waist for support, his breathing heavy, as he sunk down, his body completely filled.

TaekWoon lost the balance on his elbows near the very second he felt HongBin’s heat engulfing him completely. The tightness, the warmth, the sensation of being pulled even deeper was beyond coherent descriptions and comparisons. TaekWoon’s shaking hands went to HongBin’s thighs, as he let his own back to meet the mattress. “Take… take it slow,” he stammered out, his own breathing uneven. There was a small nod before HongBin rose up for the first time slowly sinking back down. TaekWoon had to bite his lip not to moan.

He wasn’t embarrassed, no, but he was slightly afraid HongBin would go all out on pleasing him even though this wasn’t supposed to be about TaekWoon’s needs and desires. At least not to TaekWoon’s mind. 

HongBin’s moves grew in speed, varied in rhythm and amplitude, straight up and down mixing with curious rotation of his hips and TaekWoon was sure he will break the skin on his lips soon. It felt good, it felt extremely good whatever way HongBin moved his body, and he did his best to thrust his own hips up, to find and abuse the spot that would make it amazing for HongBin as well. Yet the latter eat him to that with one move of his hips.

A loud, almost inappropriately slutty moan left his lips, his wings finally spreading fully for the first time, occupying the whole space of the bedroom from window to the wall. HongBin’s grip on TaekWoon’s abdomen was near painful and it finally made TaekWoon to let out his own long held in moans.

Wasting no time HongBin began move faster and rougher. His head fell back, neck arching, his mouth open in gasps and moans growls and mewls. It was as if he had lost all control over himself, pleasure taking over, and TaekWoon got lost with him. He grabbed harder on the winged man’s hips, thrusting up and meeting the eager man half way, both of them seeing stars before their wide open eyes. They couldn’t last much longer.

Despite his head near spinning, TaekWoon rose from the bed, his one arm going around HongBin’s middle to support him more. His lips found the angel’s in a messy, too over occupied kiss with more tongue and moaning than actual kissing. Both of their movements had slowed down, exhaustion finding them faster as they would like.

TaekWoon let his free hand to go between their bodies, his long fingers wrapping around HongBin’s length. He knew he himself couldn’t force his body to last longer than a few minutes and while he could still think at least a little, he prioritized HongBin. He began to stroke the neglected length in similar pace to the man moving in his lap, whose breathing became even more uneven. 

HongBin’s grip went to TaekWoon’s shoulders, there being as strong as on his middle. His body began to shook and TaekWoon sped up his hand until heat splattered all over it, his abdomen and HongBin’s as well. The man he was holding went still, his eyes wide and with no cliches filled with stars - watery and sparkling - the whole universe as if poured in the dark orbs at this very moment. His lips had fallen open, not a single sound leaving them and he looked like an incredible artwork done by a frustrated, deprived artist. That was the breaking point for TaekWoon as well.

With just few thrusts more he let the capturing tightness of HongBin’s body to milk him dry, his own breathing and heartbeat stopping. They remained frozen in each other’s arms until TaekWoon finally laid down slowly, pulling HongBin along. He gently slipped out of other’s body, earning a whimper against his chest as it now served as HongBin’s pillow. 

The latters wings had returned to the usual state rather tightly against his back and TaekWoon absentmindedly ran his fingers over the silky feathers that was in his reach. He didn’t want to ruin the moment with words, his body and mind over the capacity he could take in a short period of time. It didn’t seem that HongBin was in state to speak either, his arms wrapped around TaekWoon, his breathing slowly returning to normal.  
Like this - completely content, holding someone he actually loved, someone who loved him in return, someone who made this whole grey existence worth it was probably the happiest TaekWoon had ever been. He was ready to exchange everything and anything for this to last for ever - to be in this heavenly state as long as the world was spinning.


	7. Torn Apart

Everything grey, everything black and menacing had melted away. It was lulled to sleep by snow fallen in December, frozen by winter winds of January and blizzards of February. Everything that could be detested, everything that was smothering and slowly sucking air out of one’s lungs was crushed into dust and blown away by first spring breezes. The monotone and dull surroundings suddenly were filled with green sprouts, the car noises and human interactions lost to chirping birds. The absolute, pastel green, juicy and soft light coming from fresh bloomed leaves rained upon the streets and even the concrete seemed to be alive. Spring had won over the nothingness of the winter for the first time in years not only in the labyrinth like city but in the endless voids in TaekWoon’s heart and soul as well.

The pitch black abysses he had feared so much had turned into blooming walleys, all colors of the world fighting away the nothingness and his demons. The holes in his heart would take longer to heal, but they were no longer dark menacing places. They were a part of him, a part that stole his voice away whenever he wanted to speak of them, yet even then they weren’t hated, but accepted and loved by the pure light now shining in TaekWoon’s life - HongBin.

His heart sang along with the bird songs coming from the wide open windows, his once empty canyons blooming like daffodils in the sun all from having a single angel in his life. Every night he fell asleep with the celestial being in his arms, his warmth being all he needed, and each morning he woke up to meet two most beautiful eyes greeting him. Each and every day had become bearable - daydreams of their bodies becoming one, their arms holding each other close pushing him through. All returns home were small celebrations and he could swear he had never been happier.

Lazy afternoons filled with small stolen kisses, touches so simple yet more than just skin deep - fingertips dancing on skin whilst playing with strings of one’s heart, creating most beautiful music. The surprising enjoyment of games TaekWoon didn’t know he could ever find captivating; words from books he could never imagine he would touch playing through his ears as the voice he adored read them aloud. The room filling laughter over movies he didn’t even consider watching accompanied with steaming hot mugs of fresh coffee and kisses that made the scolding drink ice cold in comparison. All wrapped in the scent of a summer day right after rain, enveloping TaekWoon in cocoon he didn’t want to leave. He was thrown from torment of nothingness, the spirit-breaking loneliness he didn’t even want to admit to the profusion of everything he thought he had lost forever. The more he received, the more he gave back, the more he knew he wouldn’t be able to have it any other way afterwards. His naive hope had become reality, the angel he subconsciously had waited for, prayed for, was here and a heavenly vision, a dream of happiness had become reality.

Like the prime of summer, that sneaked up on them in blinding rays of sun and heat breaking through the grand window, rays of sun playing in the white feathers where the pink petals of blooming cherries had been stuck in spring, snuck back concerns and fears. A dark corner appeared in the blooming valleys of TaekWoon’s heart the first time he found a feather on the floor. Unlike the blinding vividness from the first meeting, first time he saw the grand white wings on other’s back, it looked not less than dead, ripped away from all that had given it energy and life. Gravely, it wasn’t the last one and probably not the first one either. 

More and more of the used to be white, silky wonders appeared here and there. The blinding light that came from within them faded away more and more, and even though they desperately tried to feed on late July sun just like they once did with fireworks, they couldn’t manage. They had become beige grey, the shone they had gone and even though HongBin waved it off as nothing, topic change now becoming his strong point, the darkness grew stronger inside of TaekWoon. He knew every detail about HongBin - each inch of his body he had explored and engraved in his mind and heart for eternity - so each change was too obvious, too painful to see and impossible to ignore.

Along with fading summer more signs that disturbed TaekWoon appeared - from the shining stars fading in his gaze, to his skin losing the light healthy glow it possessed. Above all HongBin began to have naps. At first they were mostly taken when TaekWoon was at work, but soon they slipped into morning hours around the time the raven hair woke up or on weekends. HongBin almost too desperately tried to claim it was only taking on a human habit, but how weak and drained the angel had become couldn’t slip past no one. The upcoming autumn promised to be rough, a battle against an enemy TaekWoon didn’t know and HongBin didn’t want to reveal, pleading TaekWoon not to ask.

It must have been something horrible, no other explanation made sense. Why else would the angel so desperately plead and beg for TaekWoon not to ask? Why else would he hold on to the human during the naps as he was afraid he would be torn away from TaekWoon? This enemy, this invisible force, this intruder in the dream they both were living together was most definitely more menacing than any demon - coming from hell on the labyrinth of the city - and regretfully, TaekWoon felt weak against it.

When the fever like attacks began, HongBin’s body shaking like the this year around dull, mud yellow leaves on the darkening branches of the trees, TaekWoon no longer allowed it to be waved off. The green valleys within him had withered and each day had come from a summer idyll to autumn anxiety. 

“I think it’s because I haven’t been flying for a long time,” HongBin spoke in half whisper, his head resting on TaekWoon’s lap, his body covered with a blanket as much as the wings allowed. He was sleeping more and more each day, but it didn’t seem that it gave any results in the regenerating process he pointed out once. His body was more ware of any breeze, any possible cold and even more than ever before TaekWoon felt helpless. He couldn’t deny it, he couldn’t lie to himself and hide the reality - HongBin was slipping away from him.

TaekWoon didn’t know why or how, but his angel, his sanctuary was fading before his eyes, slipping through his hands like sand and no matter how he would try to hold on to it, it wouldn’t help. The silly winged man he was now holding didn’t tell TaekWoon what was going on for one simple reason - he didn’t want to hurt him,the reality of loss breaking the last bits of dream they still had lingering in the air. But for how long?

TaekWoon gently run his fingers through the brown locks, swallowing back a lump in his throat as he saw a pair of feathers falling on the floor next to the bed. His angel was slowly fading away and he couldn’t do anything. Their shared moments - from a smile to a smirk, from a laugh to a moan - played before TaekWoon’s eyes as the man in his lap yet again began to slowly drift into sleep. A new crack - deeper, darker and more devastating than any from before threatened to open any second and this time there wouldn’t be anyone to fill it in. This time TaekWoon would have no help, no hope and he would allow the dark to consume him.

“Would… would flying help?” TaekWoon stammered out, his voice gone, only a weird echo coming from his lips. His hands shook and he hoped HongBin didn’t notice it. 

“Maybe. It’s not like I can test it,” the winged man replied quietly, his voice barely there and TaekWoon could hear his heart cracking in his chest. The sand of time was rushing through his fingers unforgivably fast and he didn’t know how to stop it, how to scoop it back and protect it. He was useless now when his savior, his guardian was helpless.

“Y… you know what, I will take a few days off work, a week, maybe more even and take you to this wonderful place,” TaekWoon spoke in half whisper, the lump on his throat growing bigger as a set of shivers run through HongBin’s body. “There’s forests and mountains and almost no people. It’s beautiful in autumn and there’s so much space for you. Meadows and valleys…” he continued, biting on his lower lip, his vision turning blurry. No, HongBin couldn’t see how scared, how desperately terrified TaekWoon was.

“That sounds nice,” HongBin breathe out, slipping into a slumber, yet again holding onto TaekWoon with all the strength he still had. The moment he was sound asleep, first tears finally escaped TaekWoon’s eyes. He quickly swallowed back a whimper, covering his mouth with his forearm, his shirt catching the tears streaming over his cheeks. He was losing HongBin to something he couldn’t even give a decent name to, something he feared to call in its true name, and his only chance was to go back to the place he had avoided for years. The happiness he felt was ripped to pieces by first autumn downpours and he could feel himself being swallowed by nothingness HongBin’s light had kept away.

TaekWoon grabbed the first opportunity to claim free weeks. He rented a car, scheduled everything so he could use this thin chance, this only hope to help his angel. He himself hadn’t slept for days, living on the terrible self made substance he called coffee. He could rest only when he would be sure HongBin is better, at least a little bit better.

“Ok, everything is done. It’s already dark so we can get to the car safely,” TaekWoon walked to HongBin, who was resting against the wall next to the grand window by his own request. His eyes were focused on the raindrops going down the window, the light from street lamps playing in them and around him. Despite anything, he still looked like a work of art, only no sad and empty, a vessel which soul slowly left it. “I will probably carry you downstairs,” TaekWoon squatted next to other. His wings had gone grey, his skin lost his shine completely, the universe from his eyes gone and TaekWoon remembered the sinister thought he had - that the grey of the city, the dull nothing inside of him himself would try to consume HongBin and now… now it had almost succeeded. 

“Let’s go,” he managed to push past his trembling lips, his hands shaking and already helped HongBin to get on his back when a blinding light entered the dark apartment, swallowing the bedroom area. A man stepped out of the beam of light, wings a good half bigger than Hongbin's in rich white silver behind his back. He was less sculptured than HongBin, probably a tad shorter as well. His hair was in color of dark chocolate, falling into his kind eyes.

“Did you really had to take it this far, HongBin?” he spoke in a voice similar to the bespoken one’s. He was, without a doubt, an angel as well, yet in TaekWoon’s eyes he wasn’t no near as breathtaking as HongBin. Even now in his trashed states, the male that was resting against TaekWoon, was the only one he could call beautiful.

“Go away, Hyoshin. Please,” HongBin breathed out and tried to stand up, succeeding only with TaekWoon’s help, still resting against him when standing. “You won’t achieve a thing talking to me,” he said and a shiver run through him.

“I haven’t come here to talk to your stubborn self,” he turned his gaze to TaekWoon. “Do you know what’s going on with him right now? What’s tearing him apart?” he asked and TaekWoon didn’t reply. He knew, deep inside he knew but he didn’t want to believe it, he didn’t want his assumption to become reality.

“Don’t…” HongBin hissed but it didn’t look that the silver winged angel cared.

“He’s dying,” words flew from the sudden guests mouth and broke the slowly opening void in TaekWoon’s chest right open. He swayed a little, his fears becoming an absolute reality, his heart stopping for a second. So it was true. The city had consumed HongBin, it had drained him and the demons he fought back in TaekWoon’s inner abysses had torn his worn out self to pieces. It was all his f...

“You shouldn’t blame yourself. You did nothing to escalade it and you can’t do anything to stop it. Your planned trip could give him one more month, maybe two at maximum but it’s inevitable. As long as HongBin will stay on earth he will die. Angels are not meant to live here, that’s why our kind doesn’t fall in love with humans more often than once in a century,” the man spoke, his voice layered with true concern. “He must come with me or…” 

“I am not leaving TaekWoon,” HongBin spoke suddenly, his voice more determined. His body shook violently, his breathing heavy. “I can’t leave him and I won’t,” he pushed through clenched teeth, tightening his grip on TaekWoon’s shirt. 

“Does he know how many chances of returning have you already skipped?” Hyoshin turned to TaekWoon again. There was a short moment of silence before he answered his own question. “Ten. He has deliberately ignored 10 portals” he said and TaekWoon couldn’t believe his ears. He didn’t know what was worse- the current situation or all that heard now.

“And I am not going now either. I can’t leave him. I can’t put him through that…”

“Will it be better that he knows you’re at least alive or if when you will turn in feather and dust in his arms? What do you think he will do when that happens, HongBin?” Hyoshin rose his voice, the words booming around the walls. “He had lost so much to the menacing death, torn away from him in seconds with no chance to stop it. This is a chance to win over the monster haunting him!” Hyoshin continued. 

“You must go…” TaekWoon finally stammered out. “He’s right,” he added and looked at HongBin who was already looking at him.The brunet’s eyes were watery and TaekWoon knew his were too. In the past weeks he knew the feeling of holding his tears, his fear back far too well. He had to let HongBin go. Not to selfishly save himself, no, being apart from the angel meant devastation and pain beyond the power of any adjective to describe. He had to let go of him to let him live, to at least know he was alive and not dragged down by to bony hands reaching out from TaekWoon’s cursed voids.

“I can’t leave you… I can’t…” HongBin hid his face in the curve of TaekWoon’s neck, with last strength rising his wings in a dome around them, hiding them, protecting them from the reality plucking their dream apart thread by thread. “You won’t take it… I won’t take it…” he sobbed quietly, tightening his grip around TaekWoon as much as he could, even though even a child would be able to shake it off.

“I rather have you alive somewhere else, than being in so much pain and… dying here,” TaekWoon pulled HongBin as close as he could, resting his head on top of other’s. He didn’t want to let go, he didn’t want to give in to the void that was being ripped open more and more. But he had no choice. He had to. To ease HongBin’s pain, to take it upon himself to be the one hurting, he had to.

“Then you need to promise me that you will wait,” HongBin rose his head, tear trails alive on his cheeks. “You need to promise that you won’t do anything stupid, that you won’t hurt yourself,” HongBin bit on his lower lip trying to remain as collected as he could, his voice trembling, his tears refusing to stop flowing from the eyes TaekWoon never wanted to see like this - so sad, so filled with pain, so desperate. “I will come back. I don’t know when but I will do all I can to come back,” he whispered, resting his forehead against TaekWoon’s.

“As long as you promise to come back, I promise to wait,” TaekWoon whispered back, trying to be strong even though he could already feel tears swelling in his eyes. He would wait - till his hair would turn grey and his eyes wouldn’t see anymore. He would wait with the pain tearing him apart but he wouldn’t give up. Hoping for a dream to return would keep him going.

“I love you, don’t forget it,” HongBin tried to force out a smile, his eyes full of pain and sadness, engraved in the thousands of dead stars echoing in them. How tired must he been.

“I love you too,” TaekWoon gently pressed his lips against HongBin’s, the feeling of this being their last kiss punching a hole in his heart, “and I wouldn’t even dare to forget for a single second.”

HongBin lowered his wings, still holding onto TaekWoon and looked at Hyoshin who hadn’t moved an inch. He didn’t look happy about his task but just like TaekWoon and HongBin, he had no choice. Slowly, TaekWoon helped Hongbin to walk over to the other angel. Right before he would hand him over, HongBin turned to him, kissing him so desperately, so needy TaekWoon’s heart was about to burst. His last strength on earth went into a kiss, a wordless promise of return.

“Wait for me,” HongBin repeated and TaekWoon nodded, letting the light that had slowly filled the room to swallow HongBin. He could still see his silhouette for a minute longer before the light was gone, leaving him alone in the darkness of the apartment. Wind howled behind the window, tearing leaves off trees and making way for yet another winter.

Taekwoon collapsed on the floor on his knees, his body no longer being able to held itself up and let the tears go. The light he needed so desperately was gone and he didn’t even know when and will ever it return. His chest ached, breathing impossible, heart hammering in his chest madly, threatening to break out. Something inside of him had snapped in half and it was only a matter of time, of hours, days until he's roaring abysses would take control of him. He had to do all he could to survive, not live ,but merely survive until his light, his angel would return to him, even though now only darkness and pain wrapped around him, drowning him in the pitch black nothing. He had to survive.


	8. Again

Was there anything worse than grey, smothering blob of shapes and figures melted together? Could anything even more draining and painfully mocking exist than all the colors spitting at you like at a fallen beggar? Something more devastating than routine and it’s mundane fulfillment? As TaekWoon had found out there was. ‘Nothing’.

When he could see all the colors, but couldn’t remember their meanings - their names vanished from his mind. When ‘nothing’ was the only thing he saw and registered around him. The ‘nothing’ next to him in the bed when he woke up, the ‘nothing’ in the kitchen when he sauntered to it to down a bottle of hangover medicine instead of coffee, as it tasted like swamp water now. The ‘nothing’ in front of the grand window, filled with bottles and tear stains. The ‘nothing’ ringing through the air instead of laughter, the ‘nothing’ in the air instead of the scent of a summer day. 

It was without a doubt miserable to be likes, to drown himself in alcohol and being swept away by marriages of those chocolate brown eyes he loved, no, still loves, to get lost in even though they are just memories. He was a wreck, an empty vessel, his soul and heart sunk in the bottomless void that not so long was a lush green valley. How long was it exactly? The bare trees and houses, frozen sidewalks and to the bone freezing wind told it was winter. December? Or was it January?

It must have been the latter, as a disgusting memory of the fire flowers in sky mocking TaekWoon was far too vivid. They had spat countless colors of him, knowing well enough he had gone blind to them. Without his light he was lost yet again, even worse than before as for that painfully short time he had seen a path so beautiful, now he couldn’t see anything else. Pathetic. Pathetic, tragic and wretched was how TaekWoon felt and only a single promise kept him from drowning in nothingness. A single promise pumped air in his lungs, pushed blood through his veins and kept him away from thoughts dangerous and tempting. A promise that he will return, a promise TaekWoon will wait. Those few words were the lifeline TaekWoon was holding on to every single day from dawn till dawn.

The clouds had brewed over the city, forming a dome of nothing over the sickeningly tall apartment buildings and stomach turning asphalt. Today a snow storm was predicted, but so was said about yesterday and the day before as well. Now only wind blew around the last, dead leaves and rustled the mustard yellow grass. At least TaekWoon assumed those were the colors around him.

He wasn’t sure was his shirt blue or purple, was his jacket navy or moss green. His coat was black as always, the loose scarf around his neck matched with his now shoulder length hair and the coat, so it was probably black as well. Maybe his jacket was black and so was his shirt? He couldn’t remember and it didn’t really matter. 

He was taking the same route he had been taking for near 4 years now to the same job he still felt nothing against. He didn’t care. Silently he worked his hours, doing everything averagely - not too good or too bad to stand out - and returned to the cold, drafty nothing of the apartment.

His footsteps were the only sound echoing around the empty streets, the howling of the wind through the empty side streets and alleys accompanying his walk home in the late gloomy afternoon. Everything around him was still and quiet, dull and sluggish, empty and abandoned just like everything inside him - and suddenly all that was shaken to a whole new extent. A grand roar came from somewhere above him and his eyes automatically searched for one thing - the stream of light coming from the dome of clouds.

The very second he saw a slight glimpse of the heavenly portal he began to run. It didn’t matter was it him or someone else. If it was the latter TaekWoon could ask if he was okay, did he recover, did… did he still love TaekWoon… But if it would be him… What would TaekWoon do then? Would his worn wreck of a human being would become whole the very second? Or would he have to heal for months again?

TaekWoon ran as fast as he could, maneuvering between the buildings, tripping over his own feet and bumping into trashcans. The promised snowstorm finally arrived from nowhere, swirling the air in a white wall, the beam of light almost disappearing in the mess. Stubbornly TaekWoon continued to advance forward. He stopped only when the alleyway he knew already was before him. The light disappeared a minute ago, the snow turning in smaller and bigger vortexes between the houses and it took a regretful second for TaekWoon to notice a figure lying on the ground. He would recognize it anywhere.

He rushed forward, falling on his knees next to the body, two large, angry red and barely healed scars looking at him from where wings should be. TaekWoon didn’t have time to think or hesitate. He turned the man on the ground around, his eyes, his instincts were not deceiving him. It was HongBin. Wingless, unconscious and probably freezing, but it was him.

TaekWoon’s heart began to beat twice as fast, his eyes blurry as he shrugged his coat of his shoulders, wrapping it around the former angel, the scarf following, and gathered him in his arms. His mind, his heart - none of him - had even registered, even comprehended the situation, the miracle that had just happened. All he could think about was getting home. He had to get HongBin home.

The wind howled in the maze of buildings, snow maliciously making walls where they weren’t before. It was like the nature suddenly, bravely and boldly had decided to claim the city back. Not gradually, sending one snowflake soldier after another, but pouring all of its warriors out at once. Desperately it tried to regain its human claimed kingdom, yet the battle between the grey nothing and the overflowing white was now nothing more than annoyance in TaekWoon’s path.

He ran as fast as the rapidly twirling snow allowed him to, his shoes not just occasionally slipping on the fresh white that covered the pavement. No time could be wasted, a strange feeling of deja vu present in the rush of taking HongBin to safety. He might have ran past person or two, maybe even knocked someone over, but it didn’t matter to him not even near as much as the man in his arms.

TaekWoon jumped over steps while running up the stairs, despite his lungs aching from the sprint in the blizzard. He near kicked open the door of the apartment, and stumbled in, kicking it shut. While breathing heavily he sauntered across the room unstably and laid HongBin on the bed, pulling the snow covered coat off and wrapping the half bare frame in the blanket. Just like a year ago, he was in state of panic, not knowing exactly what to do, his eyes fogging up and hands shaking.

HongBin’s eyes opened slowly, his purple-ish lips parting in a painful sounding inhale and TaekWoon’s heart didn’t know to sing in glee as he was alive or cry in despair as he yet again was in pain when next to the raven-hair. A weak smile graced HongBin’s features for a second before he slipped back into unconsciousness, grabbing TaekWoon’s indecisive heart along. 

The latter kicked his boots off and climbed in the bed, gathering the blanket cocoon with his angel in his arms. He felt a shiver running through other’s body, sharp inhale following and his body responded with the same. He did just run through a snowstorm in simple jacket and shirt. But this was not about him. Nothing had ever been about him and now was no exception. 

TaekWoon held HongBin close, restlessly observing how the frost bitten red and purple melted away from his skin, barely sun kissed tan returning along with dainty rose pink… and TaekWoon’s ability to see any colors at all. The shaking stepped back, snow melting from the soft brown locks. In time lost somewhere on the annoyingly white clock, HongBin had went from a restless sleep to gentle slumber, his long lashes making shadows on his cheeks, his breathing strong and steady.

TaekWoon let out a shaky breath of relief, hesitantly, almost fearfully placing a kiss on top of HongBin’s head, fearing he would melt away as all the mirages did before. Yet he remained where he was, sleeping peacefully. He had indeed returned, as he had promised and TaekWoon allowed his heart to rejoice, his own body finally giving up and pushing him in deep, for first time in months, calm sleep.

He was awoken by the feeling of emptiness next to him. Like something, no, someone was gone again and he instantly opened his eyes. The cocoon of blankets was gone from his embrace along with the man in it. The blanket was now over TaekWoon, his jacket gone. Had he dreamed again? But it was so real this time.

Raven hair sat up in the bed slowly, his throat aching and head spinning slightly. His gaze traveled around the room slowly, trying to catch each detail and see if anything had changed until his eyes met a figure in the kitchen. It obviously was wearing TaekWoon’s clothes, the fabric loosely hanging on the slightly narrower frame. It was hunched over a bag, clinging sound of bottles hitting bottles coming from the bag. Everything was in odd slow motion until the figure looked up, the chocolate brown eyes meeting TaekWon’s, smile spreading on dainty pink lips.

TaekWoon jumped from the bed, near tangling in the blanket and almost literally ran across the room, wrapping the man before him in an embrace. He hid his face in the curve of other’s neck, gripping on to the shirt other was wearing right above where he so vividly could remember wings sprouting out. TaekWoon inhaled deeply, the scent of a summer day right after rain hitting him across the head just like the first time. Arms wrapped around him in return, fingers threaded through his hair in familiar manner and it all finally and truly became real. HongBin was really, really back.

Not being able to hold back his heart from weeping and singing simultaneously, TaekWoon hid deeper in the embrace of the other, letting his tears to soak into the fabric of HongBin’s shirt. “I missed you so much… so much…” he whispered, doing his best not to choke on his tears. He had dreamed of holding him again, intoxicated visions melting through his arms, but now the warmth he felt made him feel like he will melt from joy, from the sun rising above his demon roamed voids and casting them all away yet again.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t make it back earlier. I tried,” the deep voice TaekWoon loved to hear replied. “I missed you too. Insanely,” HongBin added, pulling TaekWoon even closer, his voice shaky. Month’s that had felt like eternity were finally behind them.

TaekWoon raised his head up, meeting his beloved eyes watery, looking straight at im with overflowing emotions, pulling him in the vortex of past pain and sadness, of the glee of reunion and above all love. Hands cupped his cheeks, swiping away the tear trails, warm smile played on HongBin’s lips, stars more alive than ever in his eyes. He moved his hands to TaekWoon’s hair, moving the disobedient locks away from his face.

“Your hair has grown a lot. Unusual, but I like it,” he spoke, trying to make this as casual as he could, even tho he himself was overwhelmed. He was greeting death when he left, on the verge of disappearing forever, his emotions, his despair taking over him in form of endless tears while TaekWoon held his back till last moment. Now TaekWoon was the one not being able to stop but not from sadness, no, from joy, from the fact that the darkness inside him was casted away again.

“I don’t think I have changed that much tho,” HongBin added with a small laugh, even though it was a false statement. TaekWoon’s last memory of him was so miserably heart wrenching. Now HongBin looked so alive, so art-like it was hard to compare. At the same time he seemed even more real, even more alive and above all... 

“Your wings…” TaekWoon pointed out that obvious fact of the white, fascinating wonders missing. He now vividly remembered the two almost raw looking scars on his angels back from yesterday. Could he possibly give them up to be here? Or was he punished? Damned even? 

“Maybe, let’s sit down?” HongBin still tried to keep this casual, to make it like no time had passed, that they weren’t torn apart so brutally and for so long. In a wonderful fairy-tale like way, it was the same, but at the same time it was not, in a good way. It felt as if the deadly pain of parting had made them grow, evolve and love ever so dearly without even saying it out loud, conveying it few short minutes.

HongBin led the way to the couch, which was still in front of the grand window. TaekWoon never had the thought to move it. He didn’t resist when TaekWoon pulled him in his lap instead of simply letting to sit down, their bodies remembering their patterns, their things and shared moments to every detail, both of them smiling subtly at that.

“I gave my wings up. I’m human now… kind of,” HongBin explained and TaekWoon’s eyes grew wide. His tongue itched to ask was this not a punishment but he kept it back. Not today. Not when he just got the light of life back.

“I won’t sleep much or eat much. I won’t get sick and I will age slower and eventually, only eventually after many, many years I will die, like all humans. But now nothing can tear me away, nothing exists that could make me leave you again,” HongBin looked straight in TaekWoon’s eyes, reassuring him it’s true, that nothing will make him leave, that he’s here to stay.

“Did it hurt?” TaekWoon run his fingers over the large scars over the shirt. One of them seemed more uneven whilst other was perfectly straight. It was rather odd but it seemed that HongBin got the unasked question.

“It did. Especially the one I tried to cut off myself as soon as I had enough strength,” HongBin explained calmly, playing absentmindedly with the ends of TaekWoon’s hair. “But nothing hurt as much as being away from you, for not being to touch you, hear you, feel you,” his eyes traveled to 5 green bottles next to the window, “But I bet it hurt you more,” he said sadly and looked back at TaekWoon. “I prefered gathering coffee mugs instead of empty bottles.” 

Shame washed over TaekWoon, but he couldn’t say he regretted a single sip that allowed the vivid memories become reality at least for a little while. He wanted to apologize, to explain but HongBin’s lips gently pressing against his. “A man who near went insane and cut off his own wings can’t judge tho, now can he?” HongBin said with a small smile, locking eyes with TaekWoon and with one look all words ceased to exist for a moment when their lips met. First slowly, then growing in strength and passion, just to return to their own pattern, their own rhythm as if, indeed, no time had passed.

Hands found their way to undo buttons and slip under fabrics for nothing more but the comfort of each other’s body warmth - the essential thing they missed so much. Not a single thing more but wrapped in each other’s arms was what was needed right now. As so many times in the winter before, their day circled around the couch in front of the grand window, snow dancing madly behind it, covering the city and filling all the gaps in TaekWoon - flake by flake, touch by touch, kiss by kiss.   
What had seemed a dream before was now a definite reality, protected not by the feather dome of an angel's wings, but two arms belonging to nothing more or less but TaekWoon’s angel. With or without the celestial wonders. And this time around TaekWoon was sure, he was up to the task to protect his light, his love, his HongBin as long as they would breathe.


	9. Epilogue: Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following includes mentions of familiy members passing away, so read at your own risk

“TaekWoon, hurry up! The view is breathtaking!” HongBin called out from the small, smooth patch of earth next to a fenced edge of a steep mountain. Many had stopped there before to marvel at the view on the valley, hugged by mountains as old as the earth, nestling a small town in its lap. The slopes in rich forests with bare peaks of rock here and there, lush colors of green in all shades covering all what an eye could see in a weaved blanket. The view was breathtaking, yet even more so for TaekWoon.

His eyes shamelessly focused on the radiant being standing near the fence, looking at the forest covered valley. His deep russet brown hair, now grown out quite long while TaekWoon had chopped his short again, were being tossed by the wind. Rays of the bright May sun played hide and seek in them - diving in and out of the soft locks. His forever warm chocolate brown eyes grasped every nuance around him, every swing of the trees with the breeze, every petal flying past him, his dainty lips parting in quiet admiration. This literal angel on earth was TaekWoon’s most treasured view.

The raven hair finished the last steps of the climb up to the view point, and placed his backpack next to HongBin’s, who had thrown it down as soon as the view opened before him. He walked over to the enchanted brunet and wrapped his arms around the slender waist, pulling other’s back against his chest, and rested his chin on the broad shoulder. Hands immediately settles on his, other’s body relaxing into the embrace. 

“This is beautiful,” HongBin spoke in half whisper even though there were only the two of them there. “Did you want to take me here…. that time?” he asked, trying to mention the most hated time for them as little as possible. It was in past now. Not as distant as TaekWoon would have liked, but the wounds were no longer fresh - they had healed leaving just nasty scars.

“Yes. I was afraid to come here to be honest. It’s still unsettling,” he admitted and the pressure from other’s hands got stronger. TaekWoon had nothing to fear now. He had no reason to keep his memory demons back.

“That town in the valley - that’s where I grew up. My house was near the edge of it. It had a big garden where my mom loved to plant something as simple as carrots and something as extravagant and fascinating as sunflowers and gladiolus that grew taller than me back then. My dad had occupied the shed, making it his little space with car magazines, tools and stacks of junk no one would ever need,” TaekWoon spoke, letting the happy memories to wash over him, giving him the calm before memory storm.

“Me and my sister both studied here till high school and then we used to ride out bikes to the closest city for high school. She was just two years older than me and took it as her duty to look after me,” he let out a small laugh. The older he got, the more annoying his sister's role of a guardian seemed, but thinking back, she wanted more but the best to his little brother, who was good head taller than her since age 16.

“I moved away to the big city - metropolis - for university and stayed there to work too. My sister married and moved in to live with our parents together with her husband and soon their little daughter,” TaekWoon’s heart started to sink, the memories being too much to bear already. He had never told anyone this. His colleagues knew nothing about him. The only person who he could finally let his heart to pour out to was in his arms, drawing soothing circles on his forearms.

“I visited them quite often and they came to visit me - all five getting into dad’s old, self fixed car. It was a wonderful routine until a bit more than 4 years ago…” he let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Words were threatening to get stuck in his throat again, but he couldn’t let it happen again. This time he had to get it all out.

“That day no snow was predicted. Just a calm, sunny December afternoon. They said goodbye to me, heading out to reach home before dark, and I remember waving farewell from the window. Few hours later it began to snow. Rapidly, madly and unexpectedly. I couldn’t see my hand even if I simply stuck it through the window. Few more hours later I received a phone call…” he stopped again. TaekWoon rested his forehead against HongBin’s shoulder, waiting for his breathing to calm down. He could do this - manage to stay strong.

“The road was slippery and the vision was bad. My dad could do nothing it was too late and a speeding truck dove out from the blizzard, sending his car rolling into the railings. They were all gone. In a blink of an eye,” he let out a shaky breath and allowed HongBin to turn around in his arms, now being able to hide against the curve of his neck and feel his arms wrapping around him.

“I sold the house and never came back since then. This is my first time I have returned. I lost contact with all my friends here and never really gained any in the city so… I ended up the wreck you saw first,” TaekWoon raised his head. “Now you are the only one for me… and the thought, the feeling of when you were gone too…”

“Don’t,” HongBin stopped him by gently cupping his cheeks. “I wish I could that they all are angels, but unfortunately it’s not how it works. I wish I would have found you sooner and stopped the darkness from spreading in you,” he spoke passionately, looking straight in TaekWoon’s eyes. “I can’t change the order of the world or turn back time, but I can promise, that no matter what, I will never again leave you. You will always have me. Always” the brunet said with determination and sealed the promise with a soft, short kiss.

“I never dreamed of even this much, so this is more than enough,” TaekWoon replied, kissing his angel again. The darkness of past had melted away and now, the fresh air of the places he used to love entering his lungs, TaekWoon knew he was finally truly ready to cherish his light, his love, his HongBin.


End file.
